Mars VS Venus

I always believe that man compliments woman. Because they are made that way by God. But because of Adam and Eve, now being complimentary to each other became really complicated. I am no Stepford wife so I don't expect Chris to be perfect. But I guess its too good to be true to have Chris as romantic as he was when we were dating. He has given me awesome gifts for my birthdays or holidays. But I guess sometimes I just want also to have him make an effort to prepare or organize a birthday get-together for me. Since we have been married its just been me doing the organizing. Last year for my 40th birthday, we went to our time share in Vegas for the whole week. Mama Blanca and Lita were there. I had to find the restaurant to go have my birthday dinner with my good friends Gladys, Eric and their son Ethan. And then I didn't have a birthday cake, so I bought an ice cream cake with candles for me to blow. Now, my birthday is coming up again and I am paying for our stay in Disneyland and I will just have to buy my own cake. Suckididoodle!

Being a mom

I think for me being a mom is being in constant worry for the worst thing that could happen to my sons. I already have this bad imagination due to watching too much TV or movies. So I have this frequent flashes of bad scenarios that could happen to my kids. The good thing is that I also frequently have to pray to God for the safety of my sons.***Yesterday my mom called me from work. I saw the phone ID on the LCD of my work phone and went straight to the desk phone. I was panicking. I finally talked to her and she said that everything is ok except that Noah had an accident, he had punctured the base of his right thumb with my dad's old fishing hook. My dad and mom got panicky, but the great thing was we had great neighbors that helped my dad drive to the nearest hospital. So the doctor anesthetized the area and as fishing hooks are darn hard to pull out, he had to push the hook further out and then cut the end to be able to pull it out. I could just imagine my Noah crying like there was no tomorrow. I thank God that everything went ok so far. It could have been worse. Today I had to see his pediatrician to check his wound out. He has developed cellulitis and was prescribed an antibiotic, and he had additional tetanus shot and his other remaining vaccines. Right now I am just waiting to pick up Chris from the train station so we could go to Camp Pendelton to get the prescription filled. Ahhhhh... unfortunately I have realized that I will have to be in this constant state of vigilance for the safety of my sons and the feeling that there will be more situations like this as they grow up. It sucks but that's life as mom.

a hot day for deep thoughts

Its been awhile since last I wrote here. Its a hot day today, even with our portable AC turned on since 10am. The weeds are growing free in the front yard and backyard. Unfortunately I'm no Mrs. Cleaver or even at least my mother-in-law. So on they grow. I feel that I don't accomplish anything when I am at home. House is never as clean, laundry is never finished. Its often now that I let Chris buy dinner for us. The fact of my less productivity and the unaccomplished feeling is making me less driven to follow through on the things I need to do at home. I am not normally  a very driven person, but now I am even less driven. I just want to escape with the books I am reading in my NookColor. Shamefully I am escaping to romance books, not even books that are thought-provoking or books that stimulate my brain cells. I feel more accomplished at work than at home. I feel I need a life coach. But one is probably expensive.***The good question is why am I not driven or at least a self-motivated person? I sometimes feel that along the way I didn't want to work hard anymore. I mean, working as a nurse is hard. But other than that I just want to go with the flow in myself. I don't want to challenge myself anymore. At times I want to at least challenge myself creatively with my photography but I only feel down when I find myself too tired or too lazy to go shoot some photos. I think I should think about this. I think I should change my attitude. I think I should start being a better version of myself. I know I am getting on to be 41 years old, but I believe its never too late to BE BETTER.***Now I know what I'm going to do, I'm going to germinate this idea of BE BETTER challenge. A challenge I give myself. I think my mantra will be BE BETTER - this minute, this hour, this day. The nagging thought in my head is that - I've been here before, been here done that, I always start and never finish! WELL SO WHAT! Being better is a lifetime of doing! SO YOU CAN SHOVE THAT PESSIMISTIC SELF TO WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE!