a hot day for deep thoughts

Its been awhile since last I wrote here. Its a hot day today, even with our portable AC turned on since 10am. The weeds are growing free in the front yard and backyard. Unfortunately I'm no Mrs. Cleaver or even at least my mother-in-law. So on they grow. I feel that I don't accomplish anything when I am at home. House is never as clean, laundry is never finished. Its often now that I let Chris buy dinner for us. The fact of my less productivity and the unaccomplished feeling is making me less driven to follow through on the things I need to do at home. I am not normally  a very driven person, but now I am even less driven. I just want to escape with the books I am reading in my NookColor. Shamefully I am escaping to romance books, not even books that are thought-provoking or books that stimulate my brain cells. I feel more accomplished at work than at home. I feel I need a life coach. But one is probably expensive.***The good question is why am I not driven or at least a self-motivated person? I sometimes feel that along the way I didn't want to work hard anymore. I mean, working as a nurse is hard. But other than that I just want to go with the flow in myself. I don't want to challenge myself anymore. At times I want to at least challenge myself creatively with my photography but I only feel down when I find myself too tired or too lazy to go shoot some photos. I think I should think about this. I think I should change my attitude. I think I should start being a better version of myself. I know I am getting on to be 41 years old, but I believe its never too late to BE BETTER.***Now I know what I'm going to do, I'm going to germinate this idea of BE BETTER challenge. A challenge I give myself. I think my mantra will be BE BETTER - this minute, this hour, this day. The nagging thought in my head is that - I've been here before, been here done that, I always start and never finish! WELL SO WHAT! Being better is a lifetime of doing! SO YOU CAN SHOVE THAT PESSIMISTIC SELF TO WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE!