Every wednesday our routine is that I drive with my kids to my parents house which is 1 1/2 hrs away, because by thurs to saturday I will be going to work in UCLA. It cuts down my commute as well as have my parents take care of my kids while I am at work and my husband is at his work in San Diego. For me this is my cross, a heavy cross. I can't wait for the day that we can save enough money and get rid of my husband's house and move to Orange county. My parents can live with us, and I can go home everytime after work.
***Anyway, last week we had our usual routine, my husband drove up with us. By the way, since I have to drive to work, going to my parents' is a pain, not only do I need to pack for the kids enough clothes but we have to drive 2 cars. So, as I said, anyway, we were in my parents house and my husband was taking care of the kids, I went to bring my husband's stuff from his car. He had told me that he lost his Flipvideo so I was rummaging through his stuff jsut in case I might see it. When I opened his messenger work bag what I saw was an almost finished KY jelly! Thoughts came like a tornado. I got his stuff and sought him out. But he wasn't in the bedroom. I checked his phone and found out that he has been communicating with his ex from high school Tillie from NY. When he came to the room with Nate. I asked him to swear in the lives of his kids to tell the truth. He chuckled because he thought I was being very mysterious and dramatic. Then I asked him. He didn't look flustered, he didn't look nervous. He just said he had it when he was single. He used to bring condoms and the jelly when he was single. Hmmph! Really??? But the question is who was he fucking when he was single at work???? So, then I asked him about his telecom with Tillie. What I read in the texts was that she has been unhappy with her 22+ marriage for a year now. But I also read texts she wrote where she was reminiscing about their past and how she still has all the momentoes he gave her long time ago. And I even read exchanges where they want to send pictures of each other!!!! What the hell is that!!! I would have understood it if this is plainly venting out and asking advice but this is reminiscing about the past that will never come again. She is still married and he is married now. I understand that she wants some kind of emotional high but that's not right, because he is married. And my husband is just being stupid! His answer was just to confirm that she is unhappy and that he did ask for her picture and she the same. He didn't even blink his eye, like there is nothing wrong with that!!!! AAAaaaaagghhhh! Then I reminded him of my bad feeling about his friendship with Shirley. Then he says there is nothing going on, he is just being a friend to Tillie, and he hasn't even talked to Shirley that often anymore. And all of this is just on me! I guess it is.***I know that my husband is not screwing anyone, or he would relegate himself to being like his dad whom he hates for leaving his mom and the rest of the family for another woman. But he seemed to have no instinct with regards to actions that are inappropriate for a married man even though it may be innocent. He doesn't know how to put himself in someone else's shoes and see how he would feel if I do the same things he does. I need to be proactive with my marriage, and at the same time find the time to be myself. I think being too suspicious about my husband and his friendships doesn't help me at all. But for sure I will be firm about him quitting this communication with Tillie, Tillie can find another friend to vent. I need to be vigilant in maintaining the integrity of my marriage. And I will find a way to talk with Shirley , she is Nico's godmother after all, and tell her how I feel.
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