Being married to Chris #1

I love my husband. He is a decent fellow, who has a great work ethic, and very devoted to his children. He is fierce and will die for his kids. He has a penchant for watching dance shows and singing shows. He loves movies and likes to read books. I am lucky to have him as my husband. BUT he can really be exasperating. I have made a decision that the suspicious feelings I have regarding his continued preferential friendship with Shirley and now with Tillie Ann are something I have to let go. It's still an ongoing struggle to let them not affect me, although its pretty hard, especially since his actions doesn't help my peace of mind. I always thought that a person who loves someone always strive to give his/her love one peace of mind, but I guess with him that is not part of loving or he probably thinks if you trust someone fully then you will have peace of mind. Because there is no reason to doubt them or be suspicious of their actions. But if a husband is more available telephonically for a "best" friend than for his wife, or that a husband starts re-establishing a "friendship" with his ex and asks a picture of her, well, even though I trust him not to cross the line and be grossly unfaithful, his little actions belie his verbal excuses. He used to be jealous of some of my friendships and possessive of our relationship. But not anymore. I don't know when it disappeared. I don't like an unnecessary jealousy especially if there is no actions that support such feeling. But he almost act like he does't care. That's ok, that's my life.***Another exasperating thing he does is the way he talks with me half the time. There are really two ways he talks to me that gets to me. First, he answers me in a sarcastic, another question for a question, condescending way. It riles me up and it replaces anything positive in the conversation to all negative. He has the talent in making me loss my cheerfulness. I believe that it gives him great pleasure to rile me up. The second, is his way of condescendingly answering a question with unbridled irritation bordering on anger. THAT shuts me up, and I just brood and percolate in silent anger.***Ahhhhh...I really don't know what to do. I feel that if he had showed me this side of him before I fell in love with him, it would have just lasted  a few dates. I don't regret marrying him now because I have my beautiful sons. But I cannot guarantee I will feel the same way after a few years. Because for me this is a way of taking me for granted. And I am only human, I am the most imperfect person in the world and I don't think my patience can stretch a lifetime with this almost constant onslaught of negativity and condescension. Re-reading what I have written here makes me sound so melodramatic, and it makes one think that Chris is verbally pounding me with a sledgehammer but its really only a chisel. But a chisel can destroy a massive, strong dam if one taps on it persistently.***Another thing that confounds me about Chris is the fact that he lied to me. When we were still getting to know each other he said of himself that he "doesn't sweat the small stuff". YEAH RIGHT!! HE DOES!! Any change of plans or change in my opinions makes him go crazy. AHHHHH!! If this was a start of a relationship, I would have been out of here. But I can't. I am bound by my love for Chris and our children. But I have learned from a book once, when the hurt of staying supersedes the hurt of leaving then one leaves.